On Saying Goodbye To Toxic People
I think every person has let someone into their life that has seemed perfectly fit for it at the start but slowly revealed that their presence wasn’t all altruistic. Most people take time to get to know someone and likewise, they take time shutting people out of their lives too. It’s a hard thing to do and it becomes even harder when the “dementor” isn’t someone you let into your life but someone whose life you were born into. Regardless, every kind person wants to hand out a second chance, a third chance, and so on and so forth. When should being forgiving end and self care begin?
If a person pretends to be good for you, if they seem to have your best interest at heart but their words never match their actions….it may be time for you to take control. If they make promises that they know they can never keep just to get you close to them, it may be time to take control. If they do you favors just to have something to hang over your head, it might be time to take control. If they engage in behaviors that are harmful to themselves and by proxy, harmful to you…..it just might to time to take control.
You see, people are allowed to be wrong. They are allowed to make mistakes and break others hearts and be 100% human. What they aren’t allowed to do is purposefully disregard how their actions affect you as a person. If someone really loves you or cares about you, they would be thinking about their actions and how they affect you at some point in their day. They should be living and learning from their past mistakes and trying to make themselves into better people. But some folks get stuck in the past or in a personal rut, perhaps they’ve been living the same way for 10 years….perhaps they haven’t had a personal epiphany in over 22. What can you do?
People don’t change because you want them to. You can’t hold someones eyes open and say, “LOOK! This doesn’t make you happy” or “LOOK! You really need to see a professional.” People have to reach these conclusions all on their own and sometimes you have to reach they conclusion that they never ever will.
Some people are destined to force themselves into a life that makes them miserable. Some people are destined to try to push their stress, hate, misery and anxiety onto others.
And just like them, you have a choice to make as well. You can choose to pine after something that will never happen, you can choose to wait around for people to wake up and be honest with themselves. You can choose to forgive the people who don’t care how their wildly unpredictable behavior affects you. You can let people make you sick in the head and they will…people will try to drive you crazy so that they can have control over you.
Or you can choose to let them go. Let them make their choices far away from you and yours so that you can try to be peaceful and calm. Let them ruin their own lives and their own relationships and maintain what is important to you.
People who bring tears and shame and pain into your life at every turn and interaction are not going to turn things around and magically bring you joy, love, and happiness. The reason they fill your life with such pain is because that is all that they have. They chose a hard life and they don’t want to be alone.
They dug their own grave, let them lie in it while you go play in the sun. You still have that option, don’t let them pull you down with them.